Konoha's Hidden Jutsu
by CherryHearts13
Summary: For some strange reason, that no one understands, the Shinobi of Konoha have a habit of inventing some rather… strange and unethical jutsu while in the heat of battle. These spur of the moment jutsu are then later dubbed Hidden Arts either for their sheer genius or complete absurdity. Series of One-Shots.
1. Frill-Necked-Lizard

A/N: So we know that the ninja from Konoha are a bit - if not completely - crazy and have some of the weirdest jutsu. What we don't know is how these crazy techniques came to be. So this is going to be my take on how they came to be.

Also I'm open to any suggestions you might have.

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FRILL-NECKED-LIZARD

They were surrounded. Kakashi and Rin stood with their backs pressed against each other. Their breaths were labored and their legs shook. Four Iwa-nin stood around them waiting for them to drop their guard. A second was all the time they needed to get in that one fatal shot, putting an end to the Leaf-nin's lives.

Their eyes scanned the area taking in the four Iwa-nin, but at the same time searing for their third teammate. Obito was their only hope in getting out of their sticky situation. Rin was down to her last kunai which she held defensively in front of her person, and Kakashi was left with no other choice than to rely on his father's tanto.

The trio had been separated from their sensei as the man took on a random Jonin from Kiri. Minato instructed them to continue their mission and stated he would join them momentarily. What none of them had counted on was that they would run into a team from Iwa.

All four Iwa-nin were long distance fighters, leaving the trio to dodge any weapon that could be thrown along with the occasional Ninjutsu.

The battle seemed to drag on, and their chakra was beginning to diminish like their weapons supple. Obito was the only one who had any weapons left as he had opted to repeatedly fire Katon Jutsu at the enemy.

Sometime during the confusion of the battle, one of the Iwa-nin managed to get behind the dark haired boy and sent him flying into the trees that surrounded the clearing.

"Oi, you bastards," a familiar voice called out to the Iwa-nin, causing everyone's attention to shift towards the direction of the voice.

Kakashi internally groaned.

Standing on a tree branch was none other than Uchiha Obito. His face had been scratched when he was sent sailing through the tree tops, and his orange goggles were pulled down over his eyes. The dark eyed boy took a threatening step forward. It would have been threatening if he hadn't have lost his balance and ended up standing underneath the tree back using what little chakra he had left to keep himself from kissing the dirt.

Kakashi's right eye gave a slight unnoticeable twitch.

Obito lifted his arms in preparation to form the hand seals to his clan's most revered Jutsu. In the process of lifting his arms his weapons pouch opened and kunai and shuriken clattered around the base of the tree.

Kakashi's eye was twitching more noticeable, as the Iwa-nin questioned the Genin's competence.

Not one to be discouraged the Uchiha quickly formed the hand seals for the Grand Fireball Jutsu. He paused when he didn't feel that sensation of warm chakra building up in his lungs when he took a deep breath. Panicking on the inside, but surprisingly not showing it on the outside, he formed some random hand seals.

Rin and Kakashi watched their teammate intensely. He was about to perform some new jutsu they didn't know about judging by the new series of hand signs he was forming.

"Hidden Jutsu!" He chanced glance at his white haired teammate from the corner of his eye. He felt his jacket fall around him, before he shouted, "Frill-Necked Lizard!"

There was only one way they were going to be able to defeat the enemy and that was to… piss off Kakashi.

Kakashi's eye was twitching violently. When Obito fell off the tree from chakra exhaustion causing the Iwa-nin to laugh, his control snapped. He became a white blur as he sped around taking down the distracted ninja with energy he didn't know he had. Once the last Iwa-nin dropped he set his sights on his idiot of a teammate only to be stopped by a hand placed on his shoulder. Turning his head he was greeted by the sight of his smiling sensei.

Obito curled up in the bush he landed in. He swore to himself that he would only ever use that Jutsu in dire situations or not at all if he could help it.

Frill-Necked-Lizard was a truly dangerous technique when used properly, namely around Kakashi when performed by Obito.


	2. One-Thousand-Years-Of-Death

A/N: I'll take any suggestions that involve any strange or unethical Jutsu/technique the Naruto Characters have used in the manga or anime.

And now we learn the origins of one of Kakashi's favorite Jutsu...

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ONE-THOUSAND-YEARS-OF-DEATH

"Jiraiya-sensei," Minato called out to his former sensei as he walked over to the man. From the tone of his voice it was easy to discern that the blonde man was not pleased with his sensei's actions. "If Tsunade-sama catches you-"

"Relax Minato," the white haired man placated waving off his former student. "It's not Tsunade I'm spying on."

"Then who are you spying on," a young voice questioned.

"Ah, Obito," Jiraiya greeted the student of his student when the boy made his presence known. The large man got a sly grin on his face as he giggled. Looking the boy in the eyes, he motioned to the hole in the wooden fence that surrounded the women's section of the hot springs. "Why don't you take a look for yourself?"

Obito shrugged, ignoring his sensei's attempts at pulling him back as he walked up to the fence. Bending over at the waist the elven year old pressed his face against the fence. What he saw on the other side made his eyes pop out.

"T-T-That's Mikoto-sama," he all but shrieked, not once removing his eye from the hole. He was searching for a certain brown haired medic-nin.

"Sensei, she was my teammate, your student," the Namikaze stated, starting to panic. "If Fugaku were to find out-"

"He won't find out since he's on a mission," Jiraiya rebutted. His face contorted into a grin that could only be described as perverted. "Uchiha women sure are something! They're like a breed all of their own. Mikoto may be a little on the short side, but she's got legs that go on for miles. Not to mention how fell she filled out in the chest area," he stated mimicking breasts over his chest. "Then there's the fact that she had a kid almost two months ago. Her figure is still perfect and she doesn't have a single stretchmark while other women would look like a roadmap of Konoha!"

"She was still your student, she's married, and she has a kid," Minato counted, crossing his arms while taking on a no-nonsense stance.

"I think I saw a particular redhead in there," the older man stated vaguely, causing his former student's eyes to widen.

Blushing the blonde started at his sensei as the man walked away with his hands shoved in his pocket and whistling a tune. Turning his attention to the Uchiha of his team Minato tried to pry the boy away from the hole while trying to catch a peek himself to see if his wife really was on the other side.

"Oh, come on Kakashi-chan," the redheaded Jinchuriki whined. "Would it kill you to smile every once in a while." She was staring at the white haired boy who walked beside her. "You look so cute when you smile."

"I'm not cute," the Hatake countered.

"Yes you are," Kushina sang. "And the fact that you're smaller than average makes you adorable!" She smirked when she noticed the tips of the boy's ears turn red. Turning her attention to the brown haired girl who walked on the other side of Kakashi, she asked. "Where's Obito? I know he's usually chasing after you."

"He was late for training so Minato-sensei went to go look for him, but that was an hour ago. We figured something must have happened, since it usually only takes sensei a few minutes to find him," Rin explained.

"Found them," Kakashi stated pointing in the direction of the bathhouse where it looked like his idiotic teammate and sensei were fighting to look through a hole in the wooden fence.

Kushina followed the direction of the boy's finger and saw red. She stalked over to the duo, her hair taking the form of the tails like the demon inside. When she got closer she prepped her hands into a random seal.

"That's the tiger seal," Rin gasped. "She's going to use a fire jutsu! If she uses it at that range it'll cause some serious damage."

"Kushina-san doesn't use any fire Jutsu. She's a wind type," Kakashi commented as they ran up to Kushina and the rest of their team.

"Then," Rin was interrupted by two high pitched screams as Kushina snuck up behind her husband and his student and gabbed her hands near their bottoms sending them flying only to land at Kakashi and Rin's feet.

"And that is a jutsu I like to call One-Thousand-Years-Of-Death," Kushina stated with a wide smile and a dangerous gleam in her eyes as she lifted her head to look at Kakashi and Rin.

"Wha-," was all the brown haired Chunin managed to get out before her eyes rolled to the back of her head in shock as she fell to the ground losing consciousness.

Kakashi stood with his left hand on his hip and his right hand supporting his masked chin. Completely ignoring his fallen teammate, the eight year old examined his other teammate and sensei who lay on the ground clutching their backsides while withering in agony.

"It seems rather crude," the Hatake commented. He leaned forward as if looking for something he had missed in the display. "Yet at the same time it's effective in disarming the enemy." He locked eyes with Obito for a second before snapping his head towards the redhead. "I think I would need another demonstration to determine the full capacity of this technique."

Obito and Minato snapped their heads to their white haired teammate. The combined power of their glares was almost enough to make the Hatake shudder.

"With pleasure," the redheaded Jinchuriki said as she held up he hands in the tiger seal, the dangerous gleam returning to her deep blue eyes as she glided towards her husband and his dark haired student. At that moment she looked very much like the demon she contained within the seal on her abdomen.

Two high pitched screams could be heard throughout the village. The villagers just lifted their heads in curiosity before shrugging their shoulders and returning back to work. They suspected that another group of fangirls discovered that Uchiha Fugaku was officially off the market, the birth of his son crushing all their hopes of the man divorcing the lovely Miko


End file.
